I need some advice.
There’s a Japanese Muslimah seeking for divorce from her Pakistani husband but she has no idea where to turn to. The husband has left her three years ago, and has stopped sending money for their 12 year old daughter about three months ago. She hasn’t talked to him since 2003, and up until April this year, all communications were done via phone calls to her brother in law. The brother in law has changed his phone number, her parents-in-law in Pakistan have moved and she has no idea of their new wherabouts and so she is at a loss now, not knowing how to contact her ‘husband’.
She is seeking for her divorce to be finalized so that she can marry another an Indonesian Muslim. She went places, seeking advice on what to do – the Japan Muslim Association, Islamic Center, various mosques – but all to no avail, since wherever she went to requires the presence of her ‘husband’ too. As for turning to Japanese legal system, a divorce would be a lot easier if the husband has signed a mutual divorce paper; but without his proper consent, she has to wait for about seven years before she can claim their marriage is nullified, or so she told me. I have no idea about the Japanese family law, but yes I have seen a lot of rinkon (divorce) papers signed in dramas and I knew it would be easy on her if the husband had given her the courtesy of signing a rinkon paper.
We recommended her talking to somebody from Islamic Circle, but she refused. She claimed that she had called numerous knowledgeable or highly influential Pakistani or Indian Muslims in Japan, but often her request to meet them were turned down, with lots of excuses. She went to the Pakistan Embassy to seek some advice, but she was turned away rather rashly. She tried seeking help from her fellow Japanese muslimahs, but after a nasty incident of meeting strangers who harshly labeled her as a bad wife who does not know how to take good care of her family, she stopped trusting fellow Japanese muslimahs who are married to Pakistanis or Indians.
She recalled her wedding quite fondly – in a nice hotel, attended by their then close friends, the ceremony presided by a Hafeez from India. She remembered a lot of people offering their help for her to understand Islam better at that time, teaching her a lot of new things. She undertook major changes in her life – donning the hijab, praying five times a day, changing her diet to consume only Halal food. She began to drift further apart from her family and former friends, yet she was not warmly welcomed by her husband’s family. Her parents in law, in fact, tried their best to split the couple up so that the husband could marry a ‘proper’ Muslimah from back home. That in itself was a cause for stress, but somehow she found relief in her faith in Allah.
And now, more than a decade later, she remains a firm believer in Allah and Islam, despite discreditable treatment from her ‘husband’. "He will receive punishment from Allah, will he not? Allah has been kind to me and my daughter. Despite not having a stable job, somehow we were never left without food or shelter. We do not lead a comfortable life the way it used to be, but alhamdulillah, we still survive," she said.
She found her new ‘friend’ when she was working in an Indonesian shop (where she received shabby treatment by the shopkeeper’s wife, a Muslim, who claimed that they were only giving the job to her out of pity to her child. Initially she was promised a monthly wage of 50,000 yen, but after 3 months of receiving only 20,000 yen a month with promises of more later, she quitted. She found out that the shopkeeper's wife was a dishonest women, and she could not stand working for such a dishonest person). This new ‘friend’ has shown a lot of support, both emotionally and financially, during the last few months and has asked her to go to Indonesia and marry him there.
However;
- How could she marry another without a proper divorce from her current ‘husband’?
- How is she going to seek divorce when she has no idea where her ‘husband’ is and has no idea where to start looking for him since she now has no contact with not only him, but also with none of his family members or friends?
- She’s thinking of seeking help in getting a divorce in Indonesia, since it might be easier to plead her case there. But, even if she succeeds in getting a divorce in Indonesia and marries her ‘friend’, what about his status when they return to Japan?
- Right now, he’s on temporary business visa. He plans to make Japan his permanent resident, which would not be a big problem if he’s married to a Japanese since he could get a spousal visa. But without a proper rinkon document, she could not submit a new kekkon (marriage) document, thus it would be impossible for him to get a spousal visa
- The Japanese love for rules and regulations could cause a lot of grief for gaijin like him, and yes, it would also be a problem for them to have children together without the proper marriage documents.
- What can they do to overcome all the matters stated above?
So there – could anybody offer me some advice to pass on to this sister?
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